How can we explain the physical and emotional damage one person can do to another let alone to an entire people as we’ve done in our past as a species, and then still fit it into this framework of a preset nature imprinted into our genes?
While the persistent state of being serene can encompass contentment, that it might even be presumed in the understanding of the word, the latter is a much more slippery thing than the former. So much so that I struggle calling it a state of being even though I am pretty sure it’s not an emotion.
I have smiled occasionally, and now even look specifically for things that will help me smile because I like smiling. I talk here about successes in my journey, rather than the horrors that put me on this path in the first place because it’s healthier for everyone, especially me.
Some months ago I made a conscious choice to avoid being negative on Facebook, something I hoped would extend on its own into other parts of my life, and it has. No angel here, though, I still occasionally take the piss out of racists and bigots, but then I move on to more puppies and poetry.
I wanted to begin getting out for events like this with other first responders, not only because my little hole in the ground was becoming constrictive, but because it’s important and I am eager to become more involved in my own healing, and that of others.
Bad things happen to good people. Bad people get away with shit they shouldn’t. Life isn’t fair, and we want to tear our hair out at it sometimes (and sometimes we do), but as a society, a generally even-minded culture of good people, we try our best to mitigate this and our failures are often pretty spectacular.
I have always believed there is great drama in a simple life, it's a concept that's fueled many great literary novels, but what of the simple life? None of us are ever only one thing - paramedic, police officer, firefighter, victim, survivor, witness. As this young woman said, PTSD defines her injury, but it does not define her.
I want to write things that explore the more esoteric philosophical ideas of emotional existence rolling around in my head like marbles; examine practical, healthy aspects of living a life at relative peace with the world, both inside and out, and tools we can use to achieve that; talk more about quality of life than whatever shitty road I took to get here; and occasionally have a bit of goofy fun.
I don’t want to be that person that is fueled by anger and jealousy, drunk or not. There’s no peace there, no calm, no inner serenity to rely on in those moments of stress, and though I recognise it hadn’t helped me manage the other day either, I am getting closer to the day when it will.
Note: A small portion of this originally appeared as a status update on my Facebook feed. I thought it worth expanding on here. Internet memes provide a quick 'n' dirty way to put across a social or cultural idea that can be quite profound, or profoundly funny. One of my favourites captures both of these. … Continue reading Serenity ≠ Happiness